• Pulp Fiction 2: Walkin’ the Earth Like Kane in Kung Fu
• Gooderfellas
• A Clockwork Purple
• Ei8ht
• Grandchildren of Men
• Malcolm XI
• Singin’ in the Snow
• Casablanca 2: A Beautiful Friendship
• 3:51 to Yuma
• Losing Nemo
• Found in Translation
• The Princess Divorcee
• 8 2/3
• The Pears of Acceptance
• Planespotting
• Lock, Stock, and Three Smoking Barrels
• The Elephant Woman
• Stalag 18
• Blade Jogger
• Fargo II: Chipper Madness
• The Manchurian Incumbent
• The Eight Samurai
• Saving Lieutenant Johnson
• The Shawshank Transgression
• 13 Angry Men
• Side Window
• The Unusual Suspects
• Lawrence of Suburbia
• Braveheart 2: Brave Hearter
• Leonard Part 7
• Million Dollar Toddler
• The Deer Hunter 2: Electric Boogaloo

Now I know. Sorta.

Please note that I will also not be looking up the spelling of any of these characters or places, and may refer to things by what they look like rather than by their character names (many of which aren’t even mentioned in the films anyway). Anyway, with that disclaimer, on with my notes on the film (I’m not going to write a “review” because I don’t think anything I could say will change anyone’s mind about seeing it or not – but I’d like to get a bit of discussion rolling about it).

First of all, I’ll start off by saying that I liked Revenge of the Sith (RotS) very much, and that I think it’s not only a fitting end to the prequel trilogy, and a very good film in its own right, but it also deepens my appreciation for the original trilogy. It makes the old films I’ve seen a hundred times new again.

Things I liked

• The calm before the storm
  Just before Palpatine is arrested, there’s a great “magic hour” scene with Anakin waiting in the Jedi Council chamber, Padme looking out over their balcony (great apartment, btw), and a few beauty shots of the Republic before everything falls apart and the shroud of the Dark Side falls over everything. Lucas gets knocked for being a shitty director (because he is) but this was a masterful scene, full of tension and dread, like a breath before the battle plunge.
• The pacing.
  If you’re going to hear any complaints about RotS, it’s going to be that each scene was too short. Indeed, you could hardly linger on anything before another scene began. This film had to lay a lot of pipe to get us up to the events that we’re already aware of in A New Hope, so the pace had to be brisk to make up all of that ground lost by the entertaining but useless Episodes I and II (when I say “useless” it’s because the plot lines they set up could have been summed up in the opening crawl of Episode III – this new film essentially makes the first two unnecessary – and I think if Lucas started with this story but made it into the three films it should have been, audiences would have reacted more kindly to the project).
• Yoda Wants His Sabre Back
  I loved the little mini-battle in front of the Jedi Temple when Yoda and Obi were fighting off the republic commandos/stormtroopers and Yoda throws his lightsabre into a commando, leaps onto him, and pulls his sabre back out.
• Yoda’s dispatching the royal guards
  They always looked so cool back in Return of the Jedi, but Yoda’s quick dispatch of the two guards in RotS was great. People cheered.
• The Dialogue
  Lucas gets a bad rap for dialogue because… well, because he sucks at writing dialogue. This time around, however, there’s some wonderfully insidious dialogue from Darth Sidious (gee, I wonder how he got his name) and some of the dialogue near the end of the film is just heartbreaking. Obi-Wan’s “You were the chosen one!” (which was featured in the trailer too) just leaves a little lump in my throat.
• Palpy’s backstory
  Okay, we don’t get that much of it, and it’s only from his perspective, and heck, he never even really says that he’s talking about himself, but we get the picture.
• Ian McDiarmid
  Completely steals the show. It’s an Oscar-worthy performance (although he likely won’t even get nominated). I especially loved the little smile he could barely suppress when telling Anakin about how Darth… Plagueus (Plague us?) was killed by his own apprentice – it’s obvious that he is that very apprentice, but if we were in doubt that subtle shift of lip from McDiarmid was enough to convince us.
• Evil Inside™
  The look inside Vader’s helmet, from Vader’s POV.
• The closing shot of Owen and Beru looking out at the same kind of sunset that Luke gazed out over in the beginning of A New Hope. It really tied the new film into the first one for me.

Things I didn’t like

• Obi-Wan’s Amnesia
  In “The Empire Strikes Back” Obi and Yoda look up at Luke’s ship leaving Degobah, Obi says “That boy is our only hope” and Yoda replies “No, there is another.” Did Obi-Wan forget about Leia? I mean, he was standing right there when she was born. Big continuity error there.
• Anakin’s transformation
  From “OMG what have I done?” to “You’ll be my master and I’ll do whatever you tell me” after dispatching Mace Windu (and what is it with people losing their hands in the Star Wars films? Is Lucas a fan of Muslim justice or something?) just seemed too fast, too simple. Of course, Sidious has been manipulating Anakin since he was 10 years old, so it may just be a matter of making him make the choice, which in his heart he’d already made when he was told that the Sith could save Padme.
• Natalie Portman’s “Acting”
  I know that her job in this film was to give birth and die (and look beautiful while she did it), but emote a LITTLE? I’ve read that Portman is thinking of leaving acting to pursue psychology as a career. This is a good impulse.
• Not even Tom Stoppard could save the dialogue from being clunky
  Okay, having said that, most of the dialogue was actually pretty good, especially the parts involving Palpatine and Anakin, but anything involving the bizarro love story* was just cringe-worthy.
• The Anti-Climactic Dual of the Fates
  With the glut of lightsabre battles in RotS (cool as they may be) by the time we get to the BIG dual between Anakin and Obi-Wan we’re already a little tired of lightsabre battles. For what it’s worth, though, this one was the most downright savage sword fight I’ve seen on film since Rob Roy.
• Speaking of Rob Roy…
  Where was Liam Neeson? Couldn’t he have had a cameo in Episode III? His presence was felt by his absence. It would’ve been nice to see him appear in Jedi Spookyvision, though (you know, blue glow, looking how they did before they died, unless their name is Darth Vader in which case they’ll look like they did when they were young, at some indeterminate time between Episode II and III, since he doesn’t have the scar at the end of the DVD version of Episode VI).
• Nooooooooooooooooooo!
  Cheesy!
• Sad Endings
  As the Star Wars logo flashed up onscreen I thought for a moment that this would be the last new Star Wars film I’d see. It’s a little bittersweet. I’m happy to have seen the film, but I’m sad that it’s all over now, even though I know that the first two films should have been better than they were.

The first film was awkward – a return to movie-making from a man who hadn’t directed a film in 20 years. The Phantom Menace was too in love with the technology, and there were more than a few scenes that existed just to show off the hardware.

Episode II, Attack of the Clones, was also a bit awkward as Lucas and Co. switched to purely digital cameras, sets, characters, etc. Some of this digital wizardry looked like a cartoon (the droid factory on Geonosis, for instance) and overall the colour palate was too vivid, too false.

Finally with Episode III Lucas takes the technology for granted, and to good effect. He just tells his story. The effects are there, sure, and they’re plentiful and well-done, but the focus is the story so the effects take a backseat. Just as he’s starting to get good at making Star Wars movies again, he calls it quits. The end. No more Episodes.

With Episode III, Revenge of the Sith, Lucas comes back from the Dark Side and gives us a film with startling emotional depth, answering some of our questions and opening up a thousand more. There is still some good in him.

* I’ll take a moment to reflect on the Padme/Anakin love story for a moment. Let’s see, in Episode I he was a cute little boy, then she meets him again in Episode II (nine years later) and he’s a petulent teenager, whining about how he never gets his way, then later murders Sand People (Arabs?) and instead of recoiling in horror she’s turned on by it. Now in Episode III she acts as a Sith enabler, attributing his bad behaviour (murdering Jedi children, single-handedly thrusting the entire galaxy into a dark age under the rule of an oppressive regime, etc.) as him just being under a lot of “stress.” If that’s all it takes to turn to the dark side, then I should be shooting lightening bolts out of my fingers by now.

So I figured why waste the brilliance of my missives? To that end, I present my latest question to the Movie Answer Man in its entirety:

I chose Adaptation as my first review not only because I thought I had something to add to the fray about it, but also because I figured it would be a difficult film to summarize – and the point of Cinema Review is not to summarize, but to delve deeper into the core of a film’s themes.

So what have we learned? Well, we’ve learned that writing in other forms does not necessarily mean that one can write decent film reviews right out of the gate. I feel like High School Barbie, but instead of math, it’s writing film reviews that is “hard.”

In any case, you can read more about it at Cinema-Review.com.

They had a red carpet after all, but didn’t allow interviews to be held on it. Much of the costumes were more subdued than usual, and Joan Rivers was nowhere in sight. That alone has made the war all worthwhile…

I’m sure thoughts of possible terrorism were on everyone’s mind, too. Fortunately, there were only minor crimes committed at the 75th annual ceremony (like Julianne Moore’s dress).

Despite the increased security, both Martin Scorsese and Daniel Day-Lewis were robbed.

Some highlights of the evening:

Adriene Brody’s Acceptance Speech
He hit just the right pitch, he dipped and kissed Halle Berry (she didn’t seem to mind too much) and said exactly what he should have about the war, although of course I would’ve rather had him spend his time up there talking about the film, but whatever. It was a great moment.

However, didn’t Daniel Day-Lewis really deserve the Best Actor trophy?

His “Bill the Butcher” character from Gangs of New York is one of the best movie villians I’ve seen in a long time – it’s a broad role, granted, but a delightful and memorable performance – one that’ll be remembered and appreciated for years whereas Brody’s pianist… eh.

Michael Moore’s Acceptance Speech
On the other end of the spectrum was Michael Moore’s acceptance speech for Best Documentary for his film “Bowling for Columbine” (one of the funniest films to ever win the award).

He brought the other nominees up on stage with him and used his time to trash Prez Bush, the “fictional” war in Iraq (I don’t think you can call any war where people shoot real bullets and people really die “fictional,” but whatever).

He received a very loud mixture of boos and applause for his speech, although from my television the boos far outweighed the applause.

Now, I don’t think that Moore’s speech was offensive, but I can understand how other people would. But what did they expect? This is Michael “I’m in your face” Moore fercryinoutloud. It’s his job to be controversial, to always speak his mind and maintain moral integrity. Of course he’s against the war in Iraq. Why shouldn’t he talk about it at the Academy Awards just three days after hostilities began?

This was just Michael Moore being Michael Moore. Bravo to him for having the balls to say what he wanted to say. Fuck you if you don’t like it.

I wonder how many people would have un-voted for him if they could have, just because of the contents of his speech…

Steve Martin
For his second time out hosting, I thought Martin did a great job. He was funny, smart, and most important, brief. His quips rarely lasted more than ten seconds, and badabing, he’s announcing the next presenter. I hope they have him back next year. You can keep your Whoppie Goldberg and Billy Crystal. Aren’t they busy making shitty movies anyway?

Nicole Kidman’s a Winner
Yay! I’m happy for Nicole – I don’t know if she gave the best performance of the year, but I just like her. She seems nice. And she’s a pretty good actress. I thought she deserved to win last year for Moulin Rouge and a lot of the academy membership probably wish they’d voted for her. This year they did.

Best Adapted Screenplay
How the hell did Adaptation NOT win the Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar? It would have been perfect – it’s a movie ABOUT adapting a screenplay. Plus, we would have been treated to some explanation of why the fictional Donald Kaufman couldn’t be there to share the award.

And the Oscar Goes to the Dead Guy
Conrad Hall wins the Cinematography Oscar for The Road to Perdition (one of the best titles of the year). Quelle surprise. Of course the Oscar went to the dead guy. Consider this a lifetime achievement award (not that he hasn’t won “real” Oscars before).

Overall, a good time was had by all, and no one really wanted to dwell on that yucky war.

What is with these celebrities, like Will Smith and Tom Cruise, who decided that it would be inappropriate for them to show up to the Oscars? Are they really self-important enough to think that whether or not they go to an awards show matters to anyone?

Some have said that they would feel wrong about going to a celebration while our nation is at war. However, we’ve had soldiers in combat areas around the world for the past four years (and beyond). Did they boycott the Oscars during those times? Did they boycott last year because the U.S. was bombing Afghanistan? No? What about a couple of years ago when we were bombing the former Yugoslavia? No?

How about for the past twelve years that the U.S. has been bombing Iraq? Did Susan Sarandon really not attend the Oscars those years either?

I really don’t care if Susan Saranwrap attends an award show or not – but either show up or don’t show up. Grandstanding about not showing up doesn’t make you a martyr. It just makes you a self-important attention-craving bitch.

The whinier of the bunch can stay home every year. That’d suit the rest of us just fine.

Bring crackers to the theatre with you – it looks cheesy and delicious.

One of my favourite trailer images was totally a Remo Williams moment – the old kung fu master balancing himself on the end of Uma’s sword.

And is Uma Thurman just getting more beautiful as she gets older? She must be. Yummy, indeed.

My problems with the plot holes are:

1. Anderton is set-up how exactly? His boss, Burgess, extracted a prisoner and put him up in an apartment where he would wait for Anderton to arrive and murder him (premeditated, as the brown ball says). There was a throw-away line about someone tampering with the Precogs, but as Agatha confirms, there was no tampering, and there was no Minority Report (beware films that use the title as dialogue) for him, so how did he arrive at Crow’s door? The only events that could have led him there was seeing his own murder. So he wouldn’t have gotten there without the Precogs (nice paradox) but Burgess’s setting up Crow in a room didn’t really do anything, as far as Anderton and the Precogs were concerned. How the heck did he get there?
2. Poor security in Precrime HQ. After Anderton is on the lam, he still has access to restricted areas in Precrime Headquarters. Really? In Windows NT it’s really easy to disable an account. Is security really that bad in fifty years? His wife is even able to use his eye to gain access to the Room of Rising and Falling Criminals™, and this is after he’s convicted. Something’s rotten in Reportville, and methinks it’s the screenplay.
3. Anderton put the eye doctor away in prison, where he had… how shall we put this… not a great time. This creates suspense, yes, as we wonder what he’s going to do to Anderton to get revenge. Then he performs the operation. Still waiting. Then he sets him up with milk, a sandwich, instructions on how not to go blind (see below) and then… and then… oh, I guess the doctor’s a really nice guy after all. Puh-leaze.
4. You’ll shoot your eye out. Anderton is clearly told to wait at least 12 hours before taking off the bandages or he’ll go blind. As the Spyders are crawling around through the apartment, a close-up of the clock reveals that there’s still six hours left. The Spyder stings him until he lifts the bandages, and scans his eyes (rather painfully, it seems) with a very bright light. Does Anderton go blind? No. Was this the doctor’s revenge? “Ha ha! I made you wait six hours before taking off the bandages!”
5. The murder weapon. Upon leaving the Crow crime scene, the genius from the Justice Department (Colin Farrell) takes Anderton’s gun with him, so that he can hand it to the bad guy later and be shot with it. Don’t they have evidence rooms in 2054?
6. The Tongue-Tied Killer. Burgess gives himself away with a slip of the tongue? Was Scott Frank (the screenwriter) just out of ideas that day? Sure, he can mastermind a plot to put away his best agent, but to speak for five minutes without revealing he’s the killer, that’s beyond him.

Having said all of that, this film is still ingenious and worthy of at least a rental. The future technology will probably look fairly primative in fifty years, but it’s very very cool right now (even though I doubt the MagLev is really a viable transportation system). The effects and the acting are top-notch. The cinematography, from frequent Spielberg collaborator Janusz Kaminski, is gorgeous (it may be his best work) and despite the plot holes, the film is ingeniously engaging, particularly the scene in which Anderton and Agatha escape using Ag’s Pre-Cog SuperPowers.

The DVD

The picture and sound are great. They’re fine. They’re what you’d expect for a new film on DVD.

Maybe it’s just me, but the “extras” on disc two seemed light and promotional in nature.

When you compare them to really good docs, such as “The Beginning” on the Phantom Menace DVD, or the new touchstone The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring: Extended Edition (the more colons the better, if you ask me) 2-disc 6-hour documentary, well, the Minority Report extras seem a bit anemic.

The ILM bits were interesting but not in-depth (compare with the extras even on Jurassic Park, for instance), the interviews were short and self-congratulatory (or Cruise complimenting Spielberg, and vice versa), and overall the entire second disc felt like a long commercial.

I wish they went a little deeper into the aspects of the story and characters. I would’ve liked to have *seen* the “brain trust” they interviewed to discuss the future technology, and it would have been really nice to have spent more time with the underrated Kaminski.

It’s a shame, because this film is an instant-classic, and deserves better, IMHBAO.

I’ve already *bought* the disc. I don’t need to be sold on it. You had me at “hello.”

The film’s tagline is “Everybody Runs.” I was hoping for tv commercials for the DVD that said “Everybody runs… to the video store to buy Minority Report on DVD!” That would be right up there with the “Who da man? Yoda man!” advert for the Star Wars: Episode 2: Attack of the Clones (more colons) DVD.